As a tribute to Pete Seeger the American folk musician and activist who passed away yestersday at the age of 94 here’s one of his lesser known songs The Foolish Frog, a comic number which shows the great man’s lighter side. Enjoy…
From my forthcoming collection of short stories and poetry:
“A Poem That Has No Real Meaning, Yet Literary Critics And Academics Would No Doubt Find Some Hidden Connotations About Life And Death And Draw Some Significance In The Fact That The Title Is Longer Than The Actual Poem”
A fish opens its mouth
In a pond
Opens it again
Over and over
And gets eaten by a passing heron.
For inspiration I went to a comedy club last week. The first comedian who came on took a live cow with him on to the stage. He got a round of applause, but he milked it for all it was worth.
The next comedian took a sheep on to the stage. He said “This is my ex-girlfriend. We broke up last week. I said it’s not ewe, it’s me.”
Another featured a live bull. One guy in the audience didn’t like this so he threw a rolled up copy of “Socialist Worker” newspaper at the stage. The comedian was furious and went ballistic. It was like a red rag to a bull.
An insomniac took viagra. He was up all night.
I switched on my computer yesterday. I heard this voice coming from the hard drive shouting “F*** OFF YOU UGLY C**T!” So I phoned up the help desk and told them my computer was out of order.
Noel Gallagher’s cat has no tail. It’s a Manc’s cat.
Don’t worry, I won’t be giving up the day job any time soon.
Palaeontologists in the Irish midlands have unearthed the perfectly preserved remains of a 500 million year old giant mouse. The carcass was preserved in peat, is the size of a standard transit van and weighs a tonne. It is thought to have become extinct during the last Ice Age. Scientists have named the specimen Lipar Folo. The mouse had to be lifted out of the bog with a crane. For years archaeologists were baffled by the large wooden boards with iron spring devices attached have been found. It is now believed that these were constructed by the Neolithic people as mouse traps for the giant rodents.
The Irish Rodent Association who sponsored the project have since denied any links with either the society for animals which may or may not exist, Speculative Fauna (SF) or the group responsible for the study of rabbits and hares, the Irish National Lagomorph Association.
Lipar Folo will be on display at the Natural History Museum in Dublin alongside the fossilised remains of Fianna Fail TDs carefully preserved in stuffed brown envelopes.
I nevertheless made the effort to try and understand the mind-set of a vegetarian.
I can see for instance why one might treat the idea of eating red meat with revulsion. One can develop an attachment to a mammal, particularly if its raised from an early age. Cattle and pigs especially can be friendly creatures. In fields, they will often come up to the gate to greet you. Sheep on the other hand stare at you passively and zombie-like, then continue to graze as if oblivious to their own existence. And leaving aside the welfare the animal in question, there is also the welfare of one’s arteries and heart at stake here. No pun intended.
Fish, however is a different story. To my knowledge it’s impossible for a human to have any emotional bond with a fish. OK, there are ethical reasons, such as principled opposition to overfishing, but if one boycotts certain threatened species this problem is solved in one fell swoop. The health reason argument here is a no-brainer. OK, then lead and mercury contaminants in polluted seas enterig the food chain is a valid point, but think of the essential omega 3 oils and various vitamins, etc you get from oily fish like mackerel and herring.
Despite all this, I certainly eat less meat than I used to. Ironically though I am making a conscious effort to eat more fish. I’ve even started to use vegetarian mincemeat substitute for spaghetti bolognese. It’s nowhere near as good as the real thing of course, and lacks in taste, but at least it’s filling. I’ve also got into salads more.
So while I would admit that vegetarianism can be quite a noble pursuit in the interests of health and ethical concerns my problem is that roast lamb or beef, good quality ham or bacon just tastes too damn delicious to give up.
In order to be a committed vegetarian it probably helps immensely if you don’t like meat in the first place.
So while I could never envisage becoming a full time vegetarian (unless for health reasons I was forced to), I still feel it does no harm to reduce one’s meat consumption to a minimum.