For inspiration I went to a comedy club last week. The first comedian who came on took a live cow with him on to the stage. He got a round of applause, but he milked it for all it was worth.
The next comedian took a sheep on to the stage. He said “This is my ex-girlfriend. We broke up last week. I said it’s not ewe, it’s me.”
Another featured a live bull. One guy in the audience didn’t like this so he threw a rolled up copy of “Socialist Worker” newspaper at the stage. The comedian was furious and went ballistic. It was like a red rag to a bull.
An insomniac took viagra. He was up all night.
I switched on my computer yesterday. I heard this voice coming from the hard drive shouting “F*** OFF YOU UGLY C**T!” So I phoned up the help desk and told them my computer was out of order.
Noel Gallagher’s cat has no tail. It’s a Manc’s cat.
Don’t worry, I won’t be giving up the day job any time soon.