Some New Jokes

I’ve written a selection of new jokes for a stand-up comedy act I hope to be doing soon.

For inspiration I went to a comedy club last week.  The first comedian who came on took a live cow with him on to the stage.  He got a round of applause, but he milked it for all it was worth.

The next comedian took a sheep on to the stage.  He said “This is my ex-girlfriend.  We broke up last week.  I said it’s not ewe, it’s me.”

Another featured a live bull.  One guy in the audience didn’t like this so he threw a rolled up copy of “Socialist Worker” newspaper at the stage.  The comedian was furious and went ballistic.  It was like a red rag to a bull.

An insomniac took viagra.  He was up all night.

I switched on my computer yesterday.   I heard this voice coming from the hard drive shouting “F*** OFF YOU UGLY C**T!”  So I phoned up the help desk and told them my computer was out of order.

Noel Gallagher’s cat has no tail.  It’s a Manc’s cat.

Don’t worry, I won’t be giving up the day job any time soon.

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