Die Angst des Tormanns beim Elfmeter

Another inglorious end to England’s overinflated World Cup dreams and the post mortems go on.  Was it due to discord in the camp?  Did Capello get the tactics wrong?  Was it the disallowed goal that disrupted the flow of play?  Were the players just worn out after a hectic Premiere League and Champions League schedule?  Did manager and players just not connect?

At the end of the day it’s difficult to feel any sympathy for a bunch of overpaid, overrated, overindulged bunch of tattooed philandering underachievers who earn more in a week than most of their supporters earn in five years.  The fans who travelled several thousand miles and spent several thousand miles deserve better.  If Never has there been a stronger argument for the introduction of performance-related pay in football.

But whether England win or lose, the tabloid press always have a field day.  The punning headlines never fail to impress,  The front page of the Mirror screamed “ROUT OF AFRICA” (rather than the less politically correct KRAUT ROUT) on its front page and TORN TO FRITZ on its second page, while its back page responded with the line FABIGO.  Even the more subtle Times got in on the act with EIN ZWEI DREI…YOUR TEARS.

 But the possibilities are endless.  We could also have had:

 ENGLAND’S WÜRST EVER PERFORMANCE

 THE END OF THE FRAULEIN FOR ENGLAND

 ENGLAND HERR TODAY GONE TOMORROW

LAST OF THE SUMMER SCHWEIN

 Or if an England fan had put money at the bookies on England to win the World Cup the headline could have read:

 AUF WIEDERSEHEN BET!

 If German Chancellor Angela Merkel had been at the match and a bad decision had gone against Germany she might have invaded the pitch to angrily remonstrate with the referee:

 MAJOR FRAU ERUPTS.

 And finally anyone who says the Germans have no sense of humour should check out this marvellously satirical and self-deprecatory song from the mid-‘80s by Udo Lindenberg, Lindenberg,a well known and respected rock musician in his own country plays on the stereotypical images of his compatriots – ie a highly efficient and hardworking, but ultimately dull and humourless people.  But Lindenberg can hardly be described as dull or humourless.

The blond german Fräuleins are pretty, but vain
You say ‘Guten Tag’ and they say ‘Auf wiedersehen’
They’re very hard workers, from Monday to Friday
Make love on the weekends, and yodel like Heidi
  [This line followed by some very impressive yodelling]

Classic stuff.

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9 comments

  1. LOL, BWT! If Lampard’s goal had been allowed the game would have been very Klose indeed! The England defenders gave way like Lahms to the slaughter.

  2. LOL! You had me in splits here!! Good article. Makes me feel better – quite right about the fans who don’t make half as much as the players

  3. Having watched the match with CW in Oxford on Sunday, I concur fully with Ciaran that it is difficult to feel much sympathy for the England squad. Any fire to win, or even equalize, that animated them in the first half, they threw away in the second.

    The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa before they came home. After their visit, it was said “How wonderful to be able to put a smile on the faces of those whose situations are so hopeless, and who have such a struggle ahead of them”, by Benny, aged 6.

  4. I’ve got a bit of a dilemma on my hands over who to support now. I overcame my anti-soccer prejudices and went to Ellis Park in Jo’burg (where I’ve many a happy few hours watching the Springboks thrash the Wallabies, All-Blacks, Frenchies, Englezes, Micks etc – you name them – we’ve baten them!) to see Brazil against Chile. Surrounded by all those lovely senhoritas I thought I ‘d died and gone to Heaven!
    Now it’s Brazil agaist my ancestral kinsfolk the Dutchmen in the quarter finals. My ancestry is partly French as you can probably tell from my surname and I’ve also got some Flemish and possibly German blood, but as a true Afrikaner and a Boer son of the soil, it’s the Dutch I feel the most affinity with. I’d like to see certain Brazilians go all the way (the beautiful Laura da Silva from Recife take note!), but maybe not their soccer team. I haven’t had this kind of dilemma since Chantelle Bezuidenhout gave the push way back during my student days in Stellenbosch!

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