Remembering the Sino-Icelandic War

Plastic dinosaurs: the cause of the Sino-Icelandic war

The Institute of Asio-Nordic Studies has called on academics all over the world to recognise the significance of that long-forgotten naval conflict the Sino-Icelandic war of 1902.  This obscure maritime war between the two great sea-faring  powers of the early 20th century Iceland and China evolved from a trade dispute related to tax duties imposed on the export of plastic dinosaurs for distribution in cereal packets.

In fact the war has been almost airbrushed completely from the history books and is no longer taught in either Chinese or Icelandic schools.   Both Beijing and Reykjavik have played down the impact of the war such is their embarrassment about its causes.

The only known expert on the war is the discredited academic Dr Paul Lawkins of the Faculty of Sino-European Warfare at the University of the Faeroe Islands.  Lawkins was sacked from his previous post at Carrickmore University for suggesting that 90% of the world’s pollution was caused by the emissions from cat yawns.

However Dr Lawkins has achieved significant progress in his efforts to bring the Sino-Icelandic War to public attention.  During an archaeological dig in Icleand’s barren volanic interior he unearthed the long lost grave of Captain Floo, commander of the Icelandic naval fleet which launched the unsuccesful attempt to shell Shanghai harbour. 

The inscription on the gravestone carved in ancient Icelandic rune script provides a fitting epitaph.  According to Dr Lawkins’ translation it reads:

“HERE LIES CAPTAIN ALRIP FLOO…AND HE NEVER WANTS TO SEE ANOTHER PLASTIC DINOSAUR AGAIN”.

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7 comments

  1. Dr Paul Lawkins? Sounds suspiciously similar to Dr Phil Larkin, sometime of this parish. But unlike myself, the latter is not real, but merely a figment of your imagination, part of the repertoire of CW creations.
    One of my old lecturers at Stellenbosch University, Prof Frederik de Villiers, although a specialist in medieval Afrikaans literature, had an interest in the Sino-Icelandic war. He was a bit of a nutter though. Last time I heard he was on a world lecture tour with David Icke.

  2. What are you talking about, you ignorant biltong-munching cretin? Of course I’m real. And for your information Fred de Villiers is a genius. He’s just a bit eccentric, that’s all.

  3. You guys are hilarious. I’ve never even heard of the war, let alone that yawning cats are polluting the Earth! Where are those millions of billions of yawning felines? Or are we not humans? 😀

  4. I’ve researched this war for the best part of 50 years, and been to conferences all over the world – even the Faeroe Islands and Carrickmore, but I’ve never come across a Dr Paul Lawkins.

    Furthermore I don’t remember ever teaching anyone called du Plessis during all the years I’ve been at Stellenbosch. This BLOG IS A JOKE.

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