The Institute of Asio-Nordic Studies has called on academics all over the world to recognise the significance of that long-forgotten naval conflict the Sino-Icelandic war of 1902. This obscure maritime war between the two great sea-faring powers of the early 20th century Iceland and China evolved from a trade dispute related to tax duties imposed on the export of plastic dinosaurs for distribution in cereal packets.
In fact the war has been almost airbrushed completely from the history books and is no longer taught in either Chinese or Icelandic schools. Both Beijing and Reykjavik have played down the impact of the war such is their embarrassment about its causes.
The only known expert on the war is the discredited academic Dr Paul Lawkins of the Faculty of Sino-European Warfare at the University of the Faeroe Islands. Lawkins was sacked from his previous post at Carrickmore University for suggesting that 90% of the world’s pollution was caused by the emissions from cat yawns.
However Dr Lawkins has achieved significant progress in his efforts to bring the Sino-Icelandic War to public attention. During an archaeological dig in Icleand’s barren volanic interior he unearthed the long lost grave of Captain Floo, commander of the Icelandic naval fleet which launched the unsuccesful attempt to shell Shanghai harbour.
The inscription on the gravestone carved in ancient Icelandic rune script provides a fitting epitaph. According to Dr Lawkins’ translation it reads:
“HERE LIES CAPTAIN ALRIP FLOO…AND HE NEVER WANTS TO SEE ANOTHER PLASTIC DINOSAUR AGAIN”.